Many victims of domestic abuse are often shocked at how much worse the abusive behaviors are after the ending of a relationship— often much worse than they were even during the relationship. “I never thought they would do something like this,” is a common lament I hear from victims of domestic abuse after they leave. They say they never realized their ex-partner was capable of such malice.
In fact, when a victim leaves the relationship is often one of the most dangerous times for them, because the abuser fears they are losing control and will often lash out. The chance of danger increases greatly during this time. But, unfortunately, a common defense mechanism for victims is to go into a state of denial. They think the person will back off, or that their actions will eventually calm down, if they ignore it.